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2015: Screw You, Back to the Future II

New Year’s Eve is quite possibly the most overhyped holiday of all time. As a 26-year old woman, your options are the following: 1.) Purchase and wear a sequined dress while spending lots of money at a price-gauged and creeper-ridden open bar. 2.) Purchase and wear a sequined dress, and also an adult diaper, while … Continue reading

Observations

Lots of stuff is happening on the internets these days. Anonymous death threats to women for just talking? Check. Hate-filled directives towards minorities in light of recent national tragedies? Triple check. By the way, these are all American happenings. Movements of hate we thought we buried deep in history textbooks have found new life on the … Continue reading

Reflections

Today is the day I would have graduated law school. Emphasis on the would have- as anyone who read my very first, dust-collecting post knows, I left law school on the second day of classes in January, 2012. I sold my books, ditched my apartment, and burned many, many bridges of those mentioned in previous … Continue reading

Real heavy, man.

This one’s gonna be slightly more serious. I’m in the mood- indulge me.  This time four years ago I was a size 4-6, filling in from the size 2 I sported over the summer. Those of you who know me in real life and not on the interwebs know that I’ve always been a curvy … Continue reading

No Creative Title.

It could be worse. Isn’t that what they always say? I started writing this blog because my life was a series of interesting and regrettable choices that I wanted to document. I mentioned that I wouldn’t mock my current (now former) job because I was so grateful to have it. I make no promises with … Continue reading

Bachelorette: Better than Bridesmaids, so suck it.

A few weeks ago I had the distinct privilege of watching a bootleg copy of Bachelorette with my very dear friend, The Director. She told me before we watched it that I’d like it more than I liked Bridesmaids. I thought she was insane, because Bridesmaids is, like, thebestfemaledrivencomedyever, or so everyone tells me. I … Continue reading

An Open Letter to Tim Tebow

They say opposites attract, so it’s no wonder a sailor-mouthed Planned Parenthood donor like me fell for the charitable, kind golden boy of the NFL. I’ve been stalking your…career ever since you were a baby Gator. I knew we were destined for something because you’re from Florida, and my favorite place in the world happens … Continue reading

I Hate Actors: An Exercise in Self-Loathing

This isn’t your run-of-the-mill “I Hate Actors” rant. We all hate actors. If you’re not jealous of someone making millions of dollars annually by working six months a year, you’re lying through your teeth. I’m talking about real, studied, pounding-the-pavement daily actors. Most of them suck, and I’m not just talking about their level of … Continue reading

So so so so, sooooo so sorry

My deepest apologies to those of you who were left waiting in the cold for March Madness: Part 2. I was out all weekend making incredibly bad decisions (one of them included my high school band director’s son and tequila). I super-duper, pinky-swear on Walt Disney’s grave that Part 2 will be finished by tomorrow.  … Continue reading

the best way to tell a story is from the beginning

So fuck everyone, I’m starting in the middle. You have to assume something is wrong with your life when you find yourself having a mental breakdown in front of an Applebee’s at 3:30 on a Monday. Mascara was running down my face and onto the cover of my Contracts textbook. My nose was also running … Continue reading

Snapshot

Oopsies. Something's supposed to be here.

Circa very late 2014/very early 2015.

Law school dropout. Lover of all things Disney. Exploring the vast wildlands of New Jersey and recording every second.

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Life comes in stages..

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