I Make Bad Decisions
Uncategorized
2015: Screw You, Back to the Future II
New Year’s Eve is quite possibly the most overhyped holiday of all time. As a 26-year old woman, your options are the following: 1.) Purchase and wear a sequined dress while spending lots of money at a price-gauged and creeper-ridden open bar. 2.) Purchase and wear a sequined dress, and also an adult diaper, while … Continue reading
Observations
Lots of stuff is happening on the internets these days. Anonymous death threats to women for just talking? Check. Hate-filled directives towards minorities in light of recent national tragedies? Triple check. By the way, these are all American happenings. Movements of hate we thought we buried deep in history textbooks have found new life on the … Continue reading
Reflections
Today is the day I would have graduated law school. Emphasis on the would have- as anyone who read my very first, dust-collecting post knows, I left law school on the second day of classes in January, 2012. I sold my books, ditched my apartment, and burned many, many bridges of those mentioned in previous … Continue reading
Real heavy, man.
This one’s gonna be slightly more serious. I’m in the mood- indulge me. This time four years ago I was a size 4-6, filling in from the size 2 I sported over the summer. Those of you who know me in real life and not on the interwebs know that I’ve always been a curvy … Continue reading
No Creative Title.
It could be worse. Isn’t that what they always say? I started writing this blog because my life was a series of interesting and regrettable choices that I wanted to document. I mentioned that I wouldn’t mock my current (now former) job because I was so grateful to have it. I make no promises with … Continue reading
Bachelorette: Better than Bridesmaids, so suck it.
A few weeks ago I had the distinct privilege of watching a bootleg copy of Bachelorette with my very dear friend, The Director. She told me before we watched it that I’d like it more than I liked Bridesmaids. I thought she was insane, because Bridesmaids is, like, thebestfemaledrivencomedyever, or so everyone tells me. I … Continue reading
An Open Letter to Tim Tebow
They say opposites attract, so it’s no wonder a sailor-mouthed Planned Parenthood donor like me fell for the charitable, kind golden boy of the NFL. I’ve been stalking your…career ever since you were a baby Gator. I knew we were destined for something because you’re from Florida, and my favorite place in the world happens … Continue reading
I Hate Actors: An Exercise in Self-Loathing
This isn’t your run-of-the-mill “I Hate Actors” rant. We all hate actors. If you’re not jealous of someone making millions of dollars annually by working six months a year, you’re lying through your teeth. I’m talking about real, studied, pounding-the-pavement daily actors. Most of them suck, and I’m not just talking about their level of … Continue reading
So so so so, sooooo so sorry
My deepest apologies to those of you who were left waiting in the cold for March Madness: Part 2. I was out all weekend making incredibly bad decisions (one of them included my high school band director’s son and tequila). I super-duper, pinky-swear on Walt Disney’s grave that Part 2 will be finished by tomorrow. … Continue reading
the best way to tell a story is from the beginning
So fuck everyone, I’m starting in the middle. You have to assume something is wrong with your life when you find yourself having a mental breakdown in front of an Applebee’s at 3:30 on a Monday. Mascara was running down my face and onto the cover of my Contracts textbook. My nose was also running … Continue reading
Snapshot
Circa very late 2014/very early 2015.
